When They Loved Me

My Best Friend

BFF, something I’m not quite sure if I have one. Isn’t such a term best friend defined as “that one friend who is closest to you, knows you well, and regards with affection and trust”? Well if that’s the definition of a best friend, I don’t think I have one... yet. Why don’t I just give you a quick account of the epic friendship failures I’ve had now since elementary.

I always end up thinking things like friendship and stuff whenever I hear the words ‘best friend’. It’s quite saddening actually, almost half of my life, I spent time convincing myself that I have lots of friends who treasure me just like I treasure them. But in reality, when I think about it, friendship is one of those Waterloos that I’ve got since birth. I don’t know why, but somehow, I always seem to end up with people who just ‘don’t see me at all’. Most of the time, I’ll always be the one giving out much more love for the other party. Thus, I’m the one who gets hurt a lot. I don’t know why, but I just can’t figure out why I seem to attract idiots. Idiots who I then trust fully, so that makes me an idiot too, but it turns out, they would know how to play the game better than me. Maybe, because I don’t even consider it as a game, but simply, friendship.

In the earlier days of my life, around elementary years, there will always be bullying and competition; healthy? I don’t know. There was this instance when I had a friend who was a little richer than most of the kids in class. She always seemed to have everything she wants. A “rich kid” in my vocab. Of course, at first, we were happy on our own world which, most often than not, comprise of playing with her expensive dolls complete with wardrobe and even a doll house. However, it’s true that birds of the same feather flock together. So that when cooler kids came to town, I was out of the picture as soon as they had a done deal of being ‘friends with each other’ and ‘not being friends with me’. So they excluded me, and I was left out.

Another epic fail was when my best friend at that time came to like the same person as I do and when we became rivals for the top seat, after the twins who reigned the school for a few years decided to transfer to other schools just because I’ve beaten them the preceding year. My best friend and I were both running for the position of SC Governor. Then life happened, politics happened, and yet another epic friendship fail.

High school; a distant memory of carefree, org-laden-schedule, and spoon feeding days. In this stage of my life, history repeats itself. My “mommy-in-school” who was running for Valedictorian at that time, decided to rival me for the position of HSSC Vice Chairman. I was so shocked that she decided to do such a thing, even though she knows fully well that that will definitely hurt me and our friendship in the long run. Okay so, I won’t anymore recall the painful events of those days in detail, but so here’s the gist, she won. And guess what? by 9 freaking votes! And I lost. Again.

The friendship that I had outside school was definitely worse than those inside. All of them were like apoptosis, programmed cell death; that after a while, once the cell goes to eat bacteria (me), the cell (friendship) will eventually die. Anyways, I have this youth group thing going on in our religious group. And by a group, I mean to say two or more people interacting with one another. So there are the kids, my age, a little younger, and a little older than I. At first, we were okay, but our friendship was like inversely proportional to time; the longer the years we spent together, the shorter the span of our friendship becomes. So to make things short, as we grew older, they all realized that I just don’t ‘jive’ with them that much, so they dumped me in the dumpster.

So you see, I’m not particularly lucky in selecting the friends that should be suitable for me. In the end, I always end up being hurt. So to answer the question 'who's my best friend' would be like an insult to me. So maybe if we just revise the definition into something like, “the person closest to you... etc”, then, it wouldn’t have to be a ‘friend’ right? He/she could be someone from a closer circle, a more intimate group, a relative in that case. So with BFF, Imma go with my older sister. Yeah, she’s definitely the one. (sigh)