Fly: I Want to Fall In Love Again

Walking inside the Citadel in Hue

I was having an ordinary and rather uneventful night. I just finished having dinner and was famished because I also just finished working out. As I was having dinner, I decided to watch a movie called The Age of Adaline. It tells of a story of a girl who accidentally became immune to aging. She lived a life of being always on the run so that people would not notice how she doesn't age a day. She never told anyone about her condition, and so she never settled down or loved another man aside from her deceased husband because she was afraid that people might find her and do things to her. And then one day, she meets a remarkable man who made her realize that she doesn't want to run anymore. Fortunately, another accident happened, and as if the heavens finally heard her prayer, she regained her ability to age.

I have been in love with the same person for more than a year now. And although it pains me to admit, he doesn't feel the same way. It was one great heartbreak because it was one of those sad 'almosts.' Almost in love. Almost together. Almost. I have been trying to move on from these feelings, trying to forget. But for some unknown reason, if I'd just encounter even the slightest, minutest, most unremarkable detail that could ever trigger any memory involving him, it would unfortunately make me fall back to his gravity again. And I would start over again, I would start from scratch. It's as if it is an unending nightmare, a vicious cycle.

I have done all that I could to distract myself. I tried to live, or so I believed I lived differently. I partied, and I partied hard. I drank, and I drank a lot. I even did things that I thought I'd never do even in my wildest dreams. I wrote. I hurt. I traveled. I cried. And then I wrote again.

Until one day, I woke up and realized that I am no longer hurting. I no longer miss. I no longer crave. I no longer remember as much as I do. And I believed that I have moved on. But sometimes, I still do feel that he's still the most special person in my heart. And that is what pains me, still...

So that's why I want to fall in love again. I want to feel the rush of blood into my face making it burn up and all red as I catch a glimpse of him. I want to feel the strands of my hair on my back stand as I hear his whispers in my ear. I want to chase those butterflies in my stomach as we held hands. I want to see his soul as he sees mine while we stare at each other for hours doing nothing. Hell, I even want to have my heart broken again, if that's what needs be.

But ultimately, I want to fall in love again... and this time, not with the same person who broke my heart. I want to find love in another person who would make me believe that it is still worth feeling, that it is still the best feeling. I want to fly and not be afraid to fall. To believe that there's someone who would actually be there at the bottom to catch me after the great fall.

Yes. I would love to fall in love again.