This is the story of how spoiled red velvet cupcakes became surprising metaphors for a complicated relationship. But this story doesn't have a happy ending.
Since I was a little kid, I knew that I have a thing for sweets; chocolates, cakes, candies, you name them, I love them. But then as I grew older, time went by, and tastes changed. Sweets were suddenly not on top of my 'must eat' list. But I still liked them, I just no longer craved for it as much as I did before.
For the first time in my life, I got to receive cupcakes as a birthday gift, and taste them. A few years back, red velvet cupcakes were a thing; people were IG-ing it and would die to have some from the best bakeshops in the Metro. Even though I think that the idea of buying overly-priced cupcakes was absurd, I still yearned for it. I thought about how it would taste like and how it would feel to have a go at it. But, lo and behold, years passed, and the craze passed, but I have yet to taste them. / Just like love, we yearn for ourselves to find someone who will knock us off our feet and share with us the greatest love story of our lives.
But come my birthday this year, I didn't think that cupcakes would mean so much to me as a very special person surprisingly gave them to me as a gift.
As I received those cupcakes, I think what I felt was the normal reaction that every human being celebrating his or her birthday would feel if he or she receives a gift from a friend: happy (or that feeling of being 'appreciated') after a brief moment of feeling 'pleasant' surprise or shock. I knew then that whatever I felt towards the cupcakes was 'right.' I was very excited to have them because it's my first time to taste them. But I was also scared at the beginning, because deep down inside, I was frightened that it may not live up to the expectations that I've built up through the years of yearning for it. / Just like when we unexpectedly find love, we feel that jolt of happiness as well as the fear of it not being everything you thought and imagined it would be.
Unfortunately, a lot of circumstances spoiled the cupcakes. First of all, I was too busy during the day of my birthday that I failed to eat them on the same day. Secondly, I didn't have a refrigerator at the place where I was staying, so they just sat on top of my desk for 2 days. And thirdly, I was also too busy on the day after my birthday that I was only able to have time to eat the cupcakes at around midnight of their second day in my room. / Just like how circumstances, such as finding out that the love you found already has his heart tied with someone else, would spoil any chance of sharing the feelings with him --- there simply is no opportunity to do so.
The moment I took out one cupcake, I knew that there is a great possibility that it's already spoiled. This is evidenced by the slight stink coming from the cream on top of the cupcake, as well as the color change of the cream from pearly white to buttery yellow. But, I felt like, they were too valuable to just be thrown away without having experienced them even for just one bite. However, I also knew at that moment that the feelings I had after I knew the cupcakes might be spoiled were 'wrong'. 'Wrong' because even though I knew that eating spoiled food is never good for you, I still decided to take a risk and indulge myself out of curiosity and desire for experience. So, even though I knew for a fact that it might not be good for my tummy, I took a bite from the bottom of one cupcake. / Just like after finding out that he's no longer available, you still continue to have hope that maybe 'there might be another way' for the two of you --- but most of the time, there isn't. So whatever desire, feelings and ideas that you have or that both of you are harboring, they are simply and naturally 'wrong.'
As I tasted the cupcake, I thought I was right to take a chance with it because the taste wasn't too bad. So I continued eating the cupcake until only the cream was left on my hand. I also tried tasting a pinch worth of cream with sprinkles. I knew then that the cream was already spoiled because it tasted funny. So I didn't continue. I put the cream back inside the container and I just watched as it rejoined the other 2 untouched cupcakes. / Just like when we've already taken the plunge with someone who was already taken, at some point, we begin to realize that what we're doing is wrong and we start having second thoughts whether or not we should continue down this thorny path.
As I looked at the cupcakes, I felt very regretful that I didn't give time to eat the cupcakes or that I didn't eat them the moment that they were given to me. At that moment, I knew that there was nothing I could do. So I just brushed my teeth, endured the feeling of regret, and went to sleep. / Just like when we realize that there is really no right act that we could ever do to change the situation --- every move is considered completely wrong. So you just feel disappointed that things happened during the worst possible time in your life.
The next day, instead of doing the right thing, the great regret of not being able to eat them stopped me from throwing them to the trash. Which was wrong --- because I already knew that I could no longer eat them. / Just like after a night's worth of sleep, and we see the person we love, we fall into the same pattern of ignoring what's right and continue doing what's wrong because being with them made us happy.
After breakfast, my tummy started feeling weird and began talking to me via strange gurgly noises. I then felt panicky when I realized that this may very well now be the reaction of my stomach for eating spoiled food the night before. And one hour inside the bathroom confirmed such an idea. Good thing my stomach didn't complain enough that day that I was still able to go to work without any 'accidents'.
That stomach ache and LBM experience made me realize that in the end:
The only thing that would ever come out of doing something, that you already know was wrong in the beginning, would be getting hurt in the end.
That single red velvet cupcake stood for having an affair with a guy who was already committed. A relationship that started out as friends budded into something complicated. At first, the feelings felt were 'right' because the girl and the boy consider their relationship as such. Time went by, the two became closer, and the girl found out that the guy already has a girlfriend. Now, the feelings that they started to have for each other also began to turn into something that isn't quite right. And yet, they continue their 'friendship,' until they both know that it's more than that and so they act more than friends. Deep down, they both know that the guy would never leave his girl for her, and that in the end, the only thing that would ever come out of this crazy mess is pain, not just for one side, but for all three of them.
End thought: I used to ask people, how is it possible for people who are already taken to love another person who they know would only get hurt in the end because they themselves are sure they wouldn't trade who they have for their other woman?
