The Right Kind of Wrong 1.0

As a kid, we usually are taught to always do the right thing; I mean, we have a class for it for Christ's sake (Good Manners and Right Conduct); to help an old lady cross the street, return a wallet to its rightful owner, etc. We held onto the fear that something bad will happen to us when we don't do good. And as adults, that's what we should always remember; to always want to do good. But what if doing the right thing means you'll have to give up your own happiness?

I've seen lots and lots of cases of "affairs" while growing up; it's in the family when an aunt decides to live with a married guy who was separated; it's in high school drama when you hear rumors about a certain girl or guy who has an affair with another guy or girl other than their boyfriend or girlfriend. Hell, it's even in movies and or t.v. dramas. And in all those times, I've always condemned the involved parties; I judged them for falling from grace and 'giving in to desire.'

Perhaps the greatest reason why I've always hated the idea of third parties or having an affair is because my sister got dumped by her almost 7-year partner for some bullshit reason of needing 'space,' and then the asshole just got to introduce a new girlfriend a few weeks after the breakup. And then, a few months after, I learned from a friend that the guy and his new girl was already reportedly dating even before he broke up with my sister. Yep, that would be the real reason why.

During those times, I was just in my freshman year in college, and I don't think I've ever forgiven the two of them for causing profound pain to my sister, which ultimately also caused not just me, but also my family, tantamount pain. I tried understanding them; thinking what could have happened? what could their reason be? how could they do that? etc. And I failed to understand even after using all the logic in the world. So I said to myself, I would never be the famed 'other woman'.

But I guess, in this life, 'never say never.'

I was just fresh out of the turmoil of passing the board exams and resting my brains for about 2 months; I was out to 'conquer the world,' and I chose to start by trying out on a hospital, which was hiring occupational therapists at that time. When I entered as a trainee, I was expecting it to be difficult because it would be a transition phase for me: from having a role of just being a student to having a role of a 'working daughter', which bears much greater weight and responsibility; suddenly, everything was just so serious, and money seemed to have become the center of gravity. All that I had in my mind then was 'work.'

It's just that in life, sometimes, the things that you didn't expect to find would come and hit you right at your face. There were physical therapists who were trainees like me; I knew some of them from my batch but the rest were from other schools, and or from other batches.

At first, I had this small crush for the receptionist who was a graduate of psychology from another university. He was actually the first person there who introduced himself to me and showed a wee bit of interest. Well, I call it a stupid crush because I knew that it wasn't anything serious; I told myself that I just had to have something to make me more motivated to wake up each morning and go to work. By that time, I was very homesick and felt very lonely. I didn't know why or how or who or what, I simply felt greatly 'unsure' of everything; my life, my career decisions, my friends, who I want to be, or where I'd want to be; for the first time in my life, I was so unsure of my future.

I was desperate to rid myself of that loneliness or that uncertainty. So every week, I try to gather all the company I could get; be it a dinner with an old friend from college or high school, or booze night with co-workers; I didn't care, so long as I wasn't alone.

By our second month of being trainees, we had to be grouped into 2 because the Christmas season is fast approaching, and we were asked to prepare performances for the department's party. That was the time that I started to get to know the other trainees.

But there was this one trainee who actually ticked me off the first time he ever spoke to me. He was the president of our batch and my first impression of him was that he is a douche bag. Yep, he confirmed it the moment he opened his mouth during our first meeting. I even told my friend, the other OT trainee, that he is the kind of guy that you'd most certainly get hurt if you fall in love with or, simply, meddle with him. So, classic asshole he was, I decided to shut him out, and just ignore him.

But then, he started acting weird by being very 'papansin' (attention-grabber), like, when I am walking with a staff OT, and we would pass by him, he would tell me off to the staff and he'll act all hurt or being bullied by me. Every time he'd do that I get pissed. And then my friend, the other OT trainee, also began to notice how he gets too attention-grabber around me. That's when I started noticing him.

We even became closer because we started chatting online after hours, and sometimes, even during work hours, which was weird for me. During that time, I was trying to kick start another level of friendship with the receptionist guy. But, eventually, my attention shifted from the first guy to this surprisingly irritatingly funny second guy.

I started asking myself this question: who would you pick? The guy who makes you happy and brightens up your day just by smiling at you and greeting you 'good morning'? or the guy who whenever you see him, you feel like your heart is bursting into a million tiny pieces and still you feel fine?

Guess who is who.

After the party and the performances, we became closer to the point when he asked me out to a movie. My OT trainee friend said that it was considered a 'date', but for me, I'm simply not sure. First of all, he mentioned no such thing as 'date' or synonyms of such word for that matter. He simply asked me out if I wanted to watch a movie with him.

I was actually thrilled at that time because it was my first time to go out, and my first time to go out on a 'movie', and my first time to go out on a movie with a guy... just the two of us. You can just imagine how I planned on canceling even when I was the first to get there, or how scared I felt; what if we don't click? what if I do something wrong? what if it doesn't end well? A lot of what ifs were going through my mind, but I said to myself, I would never know the answer to that question if I don't at least try and go.

So I went and watched a movie with him; I bought the popcorn and drinks.

The movie went well, except after the movie, he kind of 'bolted'. He used one of the lamest excuses out of the book: he said that his tummy wasn't feeling well and that he has to go home. He even used his phone and talked to his 'brother' aloud saying that he's on his way home. Yep, douche bag.

So I said, "go". And he did. I was walking along Araneta Center with actual tears streaming down my face. "Why?" That was the question that kept running on my head.

- End of Part 1 -