The Day I Kissed You Good Bye

Starting out a new life from scratch in an entirely new country was a dream come true. I can be who I wanted to be, and no one would be able to tell the difference. I can create a new routine, make new lasting friendships, grow in my career, spend hard-earned money, travel and discover, and maybe, even fall in love. There's just literally endless possibilities and opportunities. But, nobody ever said it would be easy.

Because in this human life, everything that's worth having never ever comes easy. All the best things take time; just like fermenting wine or century egg, or that perfectly moldy cheese. Career, friendships, relationships, and self-actualisation - all these require hard work over a period of time.

I never actually had a problem with growing in my career. I've always been open to exploring each open door.

I've always had my family behind me in everything I do. And I have always found it easy to find friends who would be with me through thick and thin.

Self-actualisation practically takes a whole lifetime; or so no one is ever sure.

I guess the only thing that felt like I was missing in this new life is that someone I can share all these adventures with, be crazy with, encounter problems, and still stay. We're caught in that new world when dating has become a battle zone where people like me are placed at a grave disadvantage. It has now become typical for ladies who are independent, career-driven, successful, family-orientated, fit/healthy, funny, and whatever guys these days like from a girl, to be single. It's probably not because the male species have been diminished in numbers; it's just almost half of the males in this world are pricks, the other half being divided into guys who like males as well or are already attached; and the small teeny tiny percentage that is actually available can still be divided into those who we can be attracted to, are too old or too young, or are simply not attracted to us.

But setting all those aside, there is still this thing called cultural differences wherein people like me, who were raised in a conservative type of thinking, when we actually fortunately meet people who like us and we like in return, make things unworkable. Why? Because there are some things that we aren't able to give that apparently people in this side of the world think is essential in every "healthy" relationship.

This made things head on complicated. I felt very conflicted in every sense possible. It was not about joining the band wagon, I guess. There are things I choose not to do not just because I am a Catholic. I choose not to do it just because I respect myself. Period. People in this side of the world need to chill. I have come to the point in this dating life to have zero care whatsoever about what guys here think of me when they find out I still have not done it.

In our culture, we can fall in love and still be in love without needing to do it. As I say, we were raised in a conservative type of thinking. But I think, it's more than just that; I think we're able to appreciate that some things in life are worth the wait, no matter how long that wait takes. I am not saying that there are no sexually active couples in my country. I believe that everything happens in it's own perfect timing, and not just done out of response to bodily/physiological needs. Go ahead, think of it as cheesy, corny, or 'immature.' I think that's where people are wrong; I may lack the experience, but most people in this world have that experience and are still, sadly, immature.

I am not condemning people who are doing it. I am all for those who do it out of love. And I'm not saying I wouldn't want to do it. As I've said, some things are worth the wait, and for me, this is one of those things. I just choose to wait for when I finally feel like it is the right time, with someone I am deeply head-over heels in love with. Because why share that most special moment of my life with someone I don't even have feelings for? Why share a part of me with someone who doesn't love me? No, I will definitely not. I'm going to have to be selfish in that sense.

Why can't we try to be together without putting sex in the equation? Shouldn't it be much more worth while to fall in love even without that yet? And then when the time comes that we actually do it, I'm pretty sure it is going to be one of the greatest moments of our life.

That's why I am kissing you, all the guys who can't or are unable to wait, good bye. This is me not settling. This is me still choosing my morals over some one night leap of faith thing that we're not even sure is going to last the next day. This is me choosing to love myself more than the players of this game. This is me giving tadhana another chance.